slow but sure

Like the realization of not being anything special creeping in. (it’s okay. growing up is probably accepting that the world is much more than what we can see and what seems. We don’t know what we can’t perceive. Life goes on). maybe it does stop.
I’m looking out of the door of the terrace of my favorite room of the house that I call my home. (home has a new face but home has the same heart. home changed address but home is my mother’s lap housing my tired head). home. It’s raining. (it might rain tonight) The sky is grey. (the sky looks like harry’s invisiblity cloak). A wind blows through the window tonight, making the curtains swell. Summer started earlier this year and this is the first rain. The rain a lighter shade of grey. I’m wearing a baby pink sweater and my sleeves are rolled up. (it’s too hot for sweaters). My hair is down and falling as light as the rain on my shoulders. I wish my mother would allow me to dye my hair black. I’m studying the anatomy of the upper limb ( I’m studying the anatomy of the human brain). (We don’t have anatomy this year). and jamming to a song that a friend had confessed his undying love for on his Instagram story. ( I no longer listen to that song but I would ) I am going to ask someone for music recommendations. Why do I forget to, anyway? Is it the flaw again? (probably). probably.
I have a headache. ( i have a sore throat. hope its not covid). It’s my heart. it weighs more than it should.

Dear my dear,

Why did they let us dream so big when the world is unyieldingly traditional? ( honestly, we never know what tomorrow maybe like). today resembles yesterday a bit too much.

Perfect. Two syllables. Too inconvenient. ( perfectionism is the bane of the youth. we cause ourselves great suffering). perfectionism and narcissism go hand in hand. Excusing inefficiency in a human has be the most humane thing we can do.

I’m watching a YouTube video about the axillary artery right now. ( I’m editing this draft right now but I should be watching a Dr. Najeeb video). (I have to start preparing for my block exam). And a kid from the house down the street is naruto running in the pouring rain. I think he might fall but oh I miss playing in the rain. ( I went out on the roof the other day when it was raining. The whole world was clouded and drowning in a peaceful surrender. The rain was excitedly greeting the world from all directions. It was so cold that I could not breathe.) I miss summer 13. I miss my white shoes that I was wearing when I had chased my best friend in a rain soaked parking lot. We don’t get 5 P.Ms like that anymore. (I miss my friends). If we could play charade once more, I’d try to make them laugh.

Dear God,

I wish life came with to do lists. (what are we doing?) Just drinking chai and facing day to day battles. Well, last week, I was reading fiction again. ( I am reading wuthering heights now. I dont know yet if I like emily better than Charlotte but Charlotte has a special place in my heart. let’s see.) I just finished reading “think like a monk” by Jay Shetty and boy, do I wish I had read it sooner. 2 books 4 days. ( get a life.) Just like in the old days. Kaz is 17. (Show Kaz is not.) I am not. I am so old. (on the contrary, I am to remain young and hopeful to not age before aging inevitably.) There’s a crack in the sky and the dream is done for. ( there is a crack in the sky and the dream is done for.) There is a crack in the sky and the dream is done for.

enlighten me.

(there are poems to be read and poems to be written.)

I’ll write one tomorrow.